Your Husband Won’t Talk to You?

admin | Feb 28, 2010 | 0 comments

Try to talk with your husband on important things, and he began to growl or completely shut down? Your Husband Won’t Talk to You? This group of people misinterpreted and advise you through some of the common people of the nine complaints.

You Say: “Your family hates me.”
He Hears: “Your family is crazy, and it’s your fault they don’t like me.”

“Women like to talk about relationships, but men think in terms of fixing problems,” says Terri Orbuch, author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great. When a complaint includes words like “you” or “your,” your husband’s sense of hearing that you want to attack his help. To do to understand your goals, while tapping into the problem when his love. “Try saying, I’d like to be closer to your family. What should I do?’” suggests Orbuch.

You Say: “I think you need a new job.”
He Hears: “You’re a loser. I wish I married someone who makes more money.”

“Men’s self-worth is attached to the image they’re trying to portray,” says Doug Hirschhorn, author of 8 Ways to Great: Peak Performance on the Job and in Your Life. “Judging your husband’s choice of employment threatens his manhood.” Guys like teamwork; if he’s not earning what he deserves, show him it’s up to both of you to change the situation so he doesn’t feel like a failure. Tell him, “I don’t think you’re getting paid what you’re worth. Let’s work together to search for other jobs that’ll pay you more.” Or, if your circumstances allow, offer to pick up extra work so he can take classes to make himself more marketable.

You Say: “I wish you’d spend more time with the kids.”
He Hears: “You’re a bad father.”

Your husband may not feel totally comfortable being with the kids because you criticize his parenting skills, says Orbuch. Men like when you seek their opinions; it boosts their confidence. Tell your husband, “The kids love being with you. Let’s think of some activities for you to do with them.” Once you’re on the same page about safety and discipline, don’t judge him on the rest of his child care, and he’ll hang out with the kids more often.

You Say: “I have to do all the housework.”
He Hears: “You’re a lazy slob.”

“Men aren’t good at empathy,” says Orbuch. “They’re not going to say, ‘You’re right; you’re overworked.’” Also, you may not realize that your husband is handling some household tasks—often traditionally masculine ones—such as getting your car’s oil changed and taking out the garbage. Recognizing his contributions will motivate him to keep helping out. Say, “I really appreciated you cleaning the garage last week. Can we make a list of chores and split it up?” He’ll get the chance to show you everything he does while clearly seeing everything you do. Once he takes on more work, let him do the tasks his way if you want his continued cooperation.

You Say: “You go out with your friends more often than you go out with me.”
He Hears: “You prefer being with your friends over me.”

Your husband may think you don’t appreciate the time he spends with you (even if it’s usually at home or running errands around town). Plus, the activities he’s probably doing with his friends, like watching a football game or playing cards, aren’t ones he believes you’d do with him. To get through to him, Hirschhorn suggests starting with, “I respect that you need your guy time, but I get a little jealous when you’re out having fun without me.” Then, continue with a possible solution: “I’d like just the two of us to go out more often. Should I make dinner reservations for Friday or Saturday night?” Let him know that you’d also be up for doing his favorite going-out activities that he usually reserves for his buddies.

You Say: “You never tell me anything.”
He Hears: “Our relationship is in trouble—and you’re to blame.”

“Women tend to group problems together, but men like to do one thing at a time,” says Orbuch. A general statement won’t encourage a dialogue with your husband, so bring up one particular problem to get him talking. Try saying, “It seems like you’re stressed about work. I’d really like to hear what specifically is bothering you.” That’ll prove to him you want to help with whatever’s troubling him.

You Say: “You don’t appreciate me.”
He Hears: “You don’t love me.”

“Women want affirmations through words, but men show their appreciation through actions,” says Orbuch. You each may be missing the other expressing gratitude! Rephrase your feelings in terms he can understand, such as: “Sometimes I need recognition for the effort I put into our home and our family. I know I forget to acknowledge all the things you do for us. How can we show each other more appreciation?”

You Say: “You never hang out with my friends.”
He Hears: “You don’t care about what’s important to me.”

Orbuch warns, “Using a word like ‘never’ can stop a discussion in its tracks,” and suggests changing the focus from what your husband’s doing wrong to why you’d both benefit from him spending time with your friends: He gets to see another side of you and you get to share with your friends how great your husband is. Approach the topic by starting with a compliment: “I’m always raving about you to my friends. They want to see how wonderful you are for themselves! I’d love it if you’d hang out with us soon.”

You Say: “You’re always at work.”
He Hears: “You care more about your job than you do about me.”

“Your husband already knows you’re not happy if he’s at work more than at home,” says Hirschhorn. Instead of making him feel guiltier about it, let him know exactly how his absence affects you and offer a compromise so he can be with you and still get his work done. Try saying, “Work must be crazy for you lately, but I could use your help with the kids and I miss having dinner with you. Do you think you can leave the office sooner rather than later this week? If you’re swamped, maybe you could come home and help with dinner, and then do work while I get the kids ready for bed.”

source article : Meredith Bodgas – Woman’sDay