10 Things He Doesn’t Want to Hear About Your Ex

admin | Jan 27, 2010 | 1 comment

In every relationship, the past comes up in conversation. And while he thinks a guy should know some information about his girlfriend for future reference, it is easier to be really happily unconscious.

You see, the truth isn’t always the best option. Our self-easily bruise (like our nipples, but that’s when talking about her previous time, for each a whole other article), so women should receive a careful approach. Here’s what a man do not like to hear, and together with the recommendation on what to say.

1. Don’t say : “Everyone loved him.”
A guy likes to think he is the best man you’ve ever dated and that he’s the favorite of all the important people in your life: siblings, friends, and especially your parents. When your new guy finds out that everybody loved the old boyfriend, his confidence wanes. It’s bad enough that his girlfriend has certain expectations. Now, living up to the group’s expectations might be a tall order.

What to say instead : “They liked him but didn’t know the real person.”
It will make gatherings with friends and family easier if your guy is blissfully unaware that everyone in the room might be wishing the old boyfriend was still in the picture. (”He was so good at Pictionary!”) Let the new guy know that while the ex was loved by all, that was only because they saw one side of him, not the person you were around. Even if the new guy isn’t Mr. Popular with Dad and e-mail buddies with your best friend, you’re the only one who really has to like him. He will get better at Pictionary too. He has been practicing his animal shapes.

2. Don’t say : “He made good money.”
Did the old boyfriend make a ton of money? Keep that info to yourself. If the new guy finds out he makes less money than what you’re used to, he will feel incompetent. Men like to feel that they can provide everything for their women, from the sexual to the store-bought.

What to say instead : “Salary isn’t that important as long as you do what you love.”
Let’s hope this is actually how you feel. But seriously, a guy can feel insecure if he decides he will never make enough dough to buy all the things both of you want in life. Just remind him that it doesn’t matter how much we make, just that we are happy. Also remind him that he doesn’t have to spend every dime he makes on making you happy. He can make you happy spending money on himself. He can start by buying some clothes for going out that don’t involve his favorite sports team.

3. Don’t say : “He broke my heart.”
Relationships end. More often than not, they don’t end smoothly. While this admission of past heartbreak at the hands of the ex might sound like a reassurance for the current relationship, it actually means something completely different in the mind of the average male. Even if the ex was a jerk, and you never want to be with him again, the fact that you are still dwelling on the past or carrying baggage makes it seem that in some odd way you still think about the ex. He doesn’t want to know you think about the ex for any reason.

What to say instead : “We’ve all been hurt.”
Even if the ex ripped your heart out, don’t make it seem like you are hung up on it. You are with a great guy now, and that’s all that matters. He might have experienced the same in a previous relationship, but do you want to hear all about how some woman scorned him and he is still licking his wounds? Let the past live in the past.

4. Don’t say : “He is doing great.”
Some couples keep in touch after breaking up. There’s usually nothing wrong with that, as long as it remains on a platonic level. The ex and the current boyfriend have probably never met, so is it really necessary to let him know what’s happening in the old boyfriend’s life? Your current flame doesn’t really care about your ex’s pregnant sister, or his upcoming audition for Top Chef. He is just asking, “Have you talked to your ex lately?” to find out how much you two stay in touch.

What to say instead : “I haven’t heard from him in awhile, but I’m sure he is fine.”
Even if you e-mail constantly or talk once a week, it’s best just to let the current boyfriend think that you don’t really keep in touch with the ex. He doesn’t let you know about his past relationships and how awesome those women are doing. (And they are doing awesome, so don’t ask.) Don’t give updates about the ex to the current boyfriend. He honestly doesn’t care, and it will only lead to arguments or an official boycott of Top Chef.

5. Don’t say : “He brought me here once.”
Neither of you is naive. Both of you led a life before love thrust you into each other’s arms. But when it comes to doing things as a couple, it’s best to pretend you’ve never been anywhere. Ever. You spent the previous few years locked in your apartment living life through a view finder you found in your parents’ basement. (”Hey look, the Grand Canyon!”) Every experience is new and something that you and the current boyfriend are sharing for the first time together.

What to say instead : “I’ve been here before, but I can’t recall when.”
This doesn’t mean lie. If he asks if you’ve ever been to a certain restaurant or seen a certain show, say that you have but can’t recall with whom and for what reason or occasion. If he keeps pushing the issue, you can then mention it may have been with an ex. He will drop the subject and the destination idea because he won’t want to take you there anymore. It’s fine: You wouldn’t have liked SeaWorld the second time anyway.

6. Don’t say : “He bought me this.”
Guys have trained themselves to say something complimentary about your personal appearance, whether it’s a nice pair of earrings or a sparkling necklace. If you say that the old fling bought it for you, it’s another way of saying, “Every time I put it on, he comes to mind.” Men would like to think that you never, ever think of the ex under any circumstances. Especially not when standing half-naked in front of a mirror, getting dressed.

What to say instead : “I’ve had this for years.”
Oh, this old thing? You have no idea where it came from, but you’ve had it forever and just love it. Pretend it’s just a piece of personal property and not a reminder of a life with someone else. Mention that you’ve actually been thinking about buying yourself a new one — and who knows, you may get it as a gift in the near future. Avoiding an argument and new jewelry? Double score.

7. Don’t say : “He and I planned to…”
Every past couple had plans they wanted to accomplish together: drive across the country, see a baseball game in every major league ballpark, agree just once on how to decorate the apartment. But when a relationship ends, so do the joint dreams. Don’t make your previous couple plans a part of your future plans with your current boyfriend.

What to say instead : “You know what I’ve always wanted to do?”
Make it about the both of you and don’t ever mention any old plans with the ex. This is a different relationship, with different goals and agendas. Sure, you can bring some ideas over from the old to the new relationship — kind of like rollover minutes in a cell plan — but just don’t mention it’s something you wanted to do with the ex but never had the chance.

8. Don’t say : “He was funny.”
Guys love to make women laugh, especially because every woman on the planet is looking for a mate with a “sense of humor.” Since we aren’t all funny, pickings will be slim. But every guy thinks he is a riot. Even if the ex was pee-your-panties hysterical, the new guy doesn’t want to know he would only be the opening act if they were in the same room.

What to say instead : “You are the funniest guy I’ve ever met.”
He is the funniest guy you’ve ever met. Repeat that line until it soaks in or you start believing it as gospel truth. Sure, this might be a lie, but you might not be the best cook/ best dressed/ smartest woman he has ever dated. He just knows better than to tell you the truth. A little white relationship lie never hurt anyone.

9. Don’t say : “He got into fights.”
No guy wants to imagine that your ex may someday come back to fight for you and quite literally be ready to roll up his sleeves. They also don’t want to feel like they have to engage in confrontations every time a guy smiles at you in a public setting. Most men like that their woman is a head-turner but aren’t really keen on punching the chin of that head when it turns back around.

What to say instead : “I like a guy who can protect me, but not look for a fight.”
Let your man know that while you appreciate a protective nature in a partner, you don’t appreciate it when a guy starts a fight just because another man smiled or started a conversation in a bar. It was a fault of the ex that you had issue with, so he will probably be careful to be on his best behavior. Men know when other men are crossing the line. Men also know when a lady can handle a situation for herself.

10. Don’t say : “He was good/bad at sex.”
Ah, sex. The topical minefield of any relationship. One wrong step or word and BOOM! You are alone again and man-less. You would think guys would want to hear all about how terrible the ex was in bed. Well, we don’t. Why? Because if he was so terrible, and you stuck with him for so long, then we could be terrible and you’d never say a word. We also don’t want to hear anything sexual about your ex because the next time you are in the middle of the doing the sweaty belly bump, the story will cross his mind. And obviously, if he was a sexual dynamo, don’t breathe a word.

What to say instead : “There were good and bad times in the bedroom.”
It’s sexual response to Switzerland. Total neutral. Ironically, it’s may be the truth. Pornography and Matthew McConaughey in the film is just a wonderful time of 100%. He knows this is the truth, because he was more than really great sex and materials to have more of his fair share, so bad he thought he was a hidden camera show. In any case, it’s the best in all the circumstances of the to avoid sexual topics with other partners. Fill out the form unless it is involved in health care. Then you should start asking a ton of questions.

Any other ideas?

source article : Chris Illuminati